SEX – A HOLY UNION OR A QUICK FIX?
Being an empath/neurodivergent means being incredibly sensitive to energy and other people’s feelings, thoughts and emotions so it is no surprise that I have always had a rather different attitude to sex and love compared to the majority in this day and age. Some people see sex as a way to service a need, but as far as I am concerned, it’s like a sacred union which shouldn’t be recreated with just anyone. When two souls are combined in the flames of passion with all their senses stimulated and you are sharing every intimate part of yourself, it really is something quite indescribable.
SEX IN OUR MODERN SOCIETY: I am always surprised by the number of women who come away from a sexual encounter having not enjoyed themselves and having to fake it. I have always wondered about women who sell sex and then go home to their partners and often pondered if they had the true meaning of sex taken away from them through abuse early on in life which is why they can just switch off when they have sex with a stranger and pretend to be someone’s fantasy for the hour. Mind you, it is the world’s oldest profession and knowing how to correctly pleasure someone is considered a high art in some cultures, so who am I to judge? Equally, I was always alarmed when I would come across kids in the classroom discussing sex. It made me wonder what has gone so horribly wrong with the world that sex seems to have lost all meaning and is regularly just a way to fulfil a physical desire, often in an attempt to recreate the freely available porn videos we have access to 24/7 where women are rarely treated with respect as the goddesses they are. It makes me weep a little at the possibility that less and less children are being brought into the world through the act of love with someone you know, love and trust.
SEX IN THE CITY: ONE-NIGHT STANDS, BOOTY CALLS & FWBs (Friends With Benefits) People who didn’t have enough love growing up or suffered some form of physical/emotional/sexual abuse will inevitably end up trying to fill the void with sex. Girls especially tend to fall into the trap of equating someone trying to sleep with them to the feeling of being wanted and therefore loved. I did a lot of reading as a kid especially around the subject of psychology and realised that I never wanted to fall into that category because of my past so decided that I never would have a one-night stand. I never watched Sex in the City for example as the concept baffled me. Friends and colleagues would regularly tell me I was seriously missing out on fun with a stranger, but I have always found the idea of getting naked and attempting to arouse and pleasure someone you barely know such a bizarre thing to do. To do it when you are under the influence of something or totally drunk seemed even more absurd. The thought of then being compared to someone else the following weekend also didn’t appeal to me. I am sure that there are bonuses to this kind of thing when both people know that is just for fun and can walk away no harm done but I always get the feeling that most people should want something more intimate and fulfilling than a few hours with someone they will never see again (or maybe will see again in the same bar/club trying to pull someone else!) And don’t even get me started on the concept of booty calls - I tried this once ( my ex and I were still intimate after our break-up) and realised that you have to be a little dead on the inside to do this to yourself on a regular basis… As for FWBs, I also remember having sex with someone who loved me (or who thought they did – I knew better) but who was clearly warned that I didn’t and couldn’t ever love them back… Even though I had been honest about it from the get-go and they tried to convince me they were cool with it, I knew deep down they would always be filled with hope and I felt terrible. I put this awful episode down to their complete arrogance in thinking I was simply confused and didn’t realise I loved them as much as I blame myself for being a naive fool to think I could go against my own belief system and everything would work out fine. We live and we learn… Being intimate with them just seemed like so many types of wrong as I knew I was not being true to myself and my principles about what love should be and how you should behave if you care about someone and don’t want to hurt them. They seemed to have the idea that if they could be allowed to pleasure me they might find a way into my heart. Whatever you do, don’t fall into the same trap and kid yourself! Have some self-respect and find someone else to love, starting with yourself. If it is true love, you will come to have place in their heart with little effort on your part!
MY EXCEPTION TO THE RULE:
There are, of course, exceptions to every rule and I broke my no-one-night-stand law when I felt an incredibly strong bond and instant connection to someone. I was on a date ( the second and last I ever went on – they are much too contrived!) when I bumped into them on the way to the loo and I remember my whole being vibrating as they walked by. There are some disadvantages to being an empath but this is one of the advantages to feeling everything soooo deeply i.e. when you meet someone important who is going to change your life, you KNOW straight away. I said goodbye to my date telling him I was bored (sometimes I can be too honest, I know, but honesty is the best policy!) and ended up hanging out with this aura-shaking person instead. I was right to go with my gut feeling as that individual and I did not spend a night apart for the first two years of our six-year relationship. I just had a good feeling that this person could be trusted with my heart and that we would be compatible emotionally, mentally and physically and could live together as a team. What follows is a summary of what happens when two empaths fall in love :D ‘Tis a beautiful thing to behold :D
LEARNING HOW TO LOVE WITH ALL YOUR SOUL:
Up until meeting this person, I had had three long-term relationships in a row with people who were deeply in love with me and that I loved, BUT they had approached me, not the other way around. When I met this particular individual, my whole world literally sho_Ok and I just had to stop and talk to them. I was totally sober at the time when I grabbed their phone and put my number in (which is totally unlike me to be so forward!) To be fair, it was something neither of us could have run away from as we had a soul-mate connection and the nature of this karmic relationship eventually ended up with us changing each other’s life in more ways than one. That mutual feeling and magnetic pull we had right from the beginning made sure that we carried out the karma we owed each other over the years so we could move to the next level of spiritual evolution in our lives when it was all over. We taught each other how to love and trust another person 100% despite the respective pain and lack of love we had experienced growing up. Together we conquered many internal fears through caring deeply for each other and sharing every aspect of our lives. We showed each other parts of ourselves that no else got to see and discovered parts we didn’t even know were there :D It goes without saying that the best sex you will ever have is with someone where you are totally open and can know each other inside out without needing to actually communicate in words; where you are not just having sex with their physical body but their mind, heart and soul. Some people call this tantric sex, I just call it sex :D Sadly there is such a thing as loving someone too much and what had the potential to be long-lasting union turned into an emotionally-abusive mess when the green-eyed monster reared his ugly head..
BUT NEVER FORGET:
It was after this that I decided that I didn’t want to have another relationship for A LONG TIME while I focussed on my spiritual life and becoming a teacher and holistic therapist so I decided should abstain from sex and masturbation. I’m an empath and feel everything so deeply in my core, so when I give myself to someone, I give everything - mind, body and soul. However, at that moment in my life, I realised I wanted to love and heal myself first so that I would be well equipped and whole enough to offer love and support to groups of people who need it, especially kids, not just one person. I realised that I had should not allow myself to be intimate with anyone at all for a while as it might take away my focus. Bizarrely, the moment you decide you don’t want to have anyone around, you get more offers than ever before lol. Maybe it is because I spent time alone working out who I am outside of a relationship, finally being single for the first time in over a decade. As I began to deepen my relationship with spirit and grow in confidence based on how good I felt about myself – rather than relying on someone else to love and admire me - my inner light started to shine brighter and perhaps people instantly feel drawn to the vitality I displayed… I started to develop a kind of cosmic love which meant that I could transfer love/energy to others without even having to touch them through the use of reiki/chi transference. In those moments when people seem desperate to be intimate, I am finding that just holding /hugging the person is enough and seems to do the trick as it charges them up enough to be on their merry way. I get a bit of healing at the same time too :D
SOUL MEETINGS, NON-ATTACHMENT AND THE NATURE OF ENTANGLEMENT:
Being an energetically sensitive old soul is a strange thing when you meet someone with a similar vibe, especially if you are attempting to become enlightened/make spiritual advancements in this lifetime. I have to be really careful nowadays not to get it twisted and remember that it is not a case of love at first sight or a feeling of sexual arousal as most of the people who are attracted to me seem to think… I met people while travelling last summer that I felt deeply attached to and it was so nice just to sleep beside them and hold them for the night. It was a deeply gratifying experience full of admiration, appreciation and attraction without the attachment or entanglement.
It is more a case of feeling like you have found a long-lost friend, a soul brother or sister as it were. It is a deeper connection than can be achieved on a physical level, it is a connection of a kindred spirit who is on a similar mission to you or who has some lesson to teach you to assist you on your way to the next level. You have probably already loved them before in another life so no rush to go there again. You know it when you meet them and it’s all in the eyes because the eyes are the windows of the soul and when you look through that window and see something you recognise or have known before in another life, of course, your natural reaction will be start a reunion. But I would advise caution with that so that you don’t incur more karma in this lifetime by messing with someone’s emotions or interfering with their relationship if they are already in one. Don’t get it twisted, don’t get tangled up :D Ask yourself why you really feel the need to attach yourself to someone and if you do get involved, make sure you learn the lesson, release and move on.
PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE – SO IS COMPASSION – WHEN APPLIED CORRECTLY:
If there is one thing I am learning about myself it is that I have no patience and act impulsively so these days I do my best to wait and see why I am feeling the way I am about a person and what I think I will learn about myself by being involved with them. Through analysis I find I save the trouble of causing them or myself any heartache because it’s either just a spiritual/ soul connection or just my ego asking to be stroked through such an alliance.
Many empaths are very loving people and have a lot of love to give and sometimes show physical love to people who just need love, care and affection. Empaths sometimes end up in a relationship with someone whom they ought not to be with if they were to stay true to themselves and their principles but because they are so loving and prefer to find focus on the good in someone then they ignore the person’s negative traits and behaviours and often stay in the relationship way longer than they should AND FAR TOO PATIENT. It has taken me a bit of time to learn that I shouldn’t be physical with someone just because they want it to be so because what they really need is love and support in a non-physical sense i.e. healing. If and when it is the right time to be in love again and intimate with someone, I will know it :D Till then, I’ll put the sexual energy into my dancing, and my expression of love into my compassionate work with the disaffected & disadvantaged youth of today. There isn’t enough of that kind of love around in the world. Since I have love in abundance, too much to reserve for just one person, I figure it’s best to put it to good use for myself and the masses. People tend to disagree with me on this point but I feel a certain kind of bliss that is permanent from practising this kind of spiritual love and as strange as it may sound, no orgasm would be able to surpass this kind of feeling :D
- Here’s an article on sex and spirituality and how they can be combined
- This article discusses why it may be dangerous to shut down your 2nd chakra by not having sex (personally I think since it governs sex and creativity so it is still active through my dancing :D)
- This one is an interesting read on women and the use of tantric sex for spiritual alchemy
- Here’s a short read on sex with a soulmate
- If you are interested in what kinds/types of soul-mates there are out there then try this
- If you are new to these topics then Google empath, indigo, crystal, clairsentient, clairvoyant, auras, chakras, intuitive healer, rainbow warrior or all of the above and see where it leads :D
♥<3 Namaste <3♥
If this helped any or if you have bits of your own story/journey that can help others, then why not leave a comment? Sharing’s caring :D